Did my crush name her baby after me?

A SWEETIE:

What would you think if you were a guy and your big crush from high school got married and had a son and named it your name? My mind can only think of two options: (1) she’s loved me this whole time and named her son after me, and (2) she’s forgotten about me and just liked the name.

ASK A QUESTION!

SOPHIA:

She just liked the name. She may vaguely remember you (I have no clue), but I do not think that she’s naming her child after you. It’s pretty fucking hard to name your child something that no one you’ve ever known has been named.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but no one* names their child after their long-ago crush hoping that they’ll notice this and… like come ask to date them? She just had a child with someone else! Whom she’s married to! That’s pretty fucking committed to another person.

It doesn’t even seem like from your letter that you two dated or even had any kind of relationship. I think there is a close to 0% chance that she’s sending out a message to you with her baby-with-another-person’s name.

I would strongly suggest that you unfollow this person on all social media if you haven’t already, so that you don’t have opportunity to moon over her from afar. There will be more crushes, I promise!

*Jane Austen’s ex-crush kind of did (maybe) this but half of the upper class women in England were named Jane so I don’t think it counts. His mother in law was also named Jane, so more likely it was a family name. NOTE: he and his wife gave their daughter the middle name Christmas, which is just hilarious. Especially because she was born in June.


Sophia Benoit writes this very newsletter; she also writes about sex & relationships for GQ, tweets about everything else at @1followernodad, is a researcher for Lights Out With David Spade, and has had bylines in The Guardian, Reductress, Refinery29, Allure, and The Cut. You can reach her or yell at her at 1followernodad@substack.com.