Here's the Thing: Your Kink is Tame

🎶I'm starting with the man in the mirror🎶


I recently found out that I'm into something that I didn't even know was a thing? My girlfriend moved into a new apartment, and the night she moved in we were excited to have sex in the new bedroom (I really think having sex in new places is the absolute best). I hadn't noticed that her sliding closet doors also double full length mirrors... Until I had her bent over the bed. As soon as I spotted us in the mirror I couldn't look away. It was like watching a porno of me and my girlfriend in real time, and it was so goddamn hot. Part of it was seeing a new view of her, but another part was me looking at myself thinking, "Damn! You're really doing a great job bud!"

Afterwards I felt very narcissistic. If anything, my normal state is a lack of confidence and a general self-loathing, but I will be damned if I didn't really enjoy watching myself having sex. But now I'm worried I might actually be a narcissist??? 


This is so incredibly normal that I don’t even know where to begin. You could have written in to me and told me that you (non sexually) enjoy the texture of tomatoes and I would have been more surprised. You can make a playlist entirely of songs (mostly 2000s R&B and late 80s rock tbh) that mention people having mirrors on walls and ceilings for exactly the same reason that’s getting your dick hard.

Do I get it? No. I don’t want to see myself fuck EVER. That’s one of my top 10 fears along with spiders, death, and things being underwater like creepy shipwrecks and wide open ocean. It is frankly not my business what I look like when I’m doing the deed!!!! The only reason I don’t want to watch myself have sex in a mirror is that it doesn’t turn me on. Since it does turn you on, you should go for it!!

The rule of thumb for kinks is:

  1. Has everything been discussed with your partner? Do they fully and enthusiastically consent? Is anyone else going to be around/involved? Do THEY consent?

  2. Are you harming anyone?

If you’re not hurting or harming anyone (outside of the bounds of your kink agreement) and your sex partners are on board—YOU HAVE THE GREEN LIGHT.

Frankly, I don’t think this kink is even kinky enough that you need to alert your partner that you’re checking the two of you out in the mirror if they haven’t noticed. Again, this is super normal*. Even if it weren’t a common kink, that’s perfectly ok!!! You’re more than allowed to be turned on by weird shit; most people are, if they’re being honest with themselves.

But does liking to watch yourself get it on make you a narcissist? God no. Not anymore than liking to masturbate makes you one. Or any more than having sex in a car means you have borderline personality disorder. While a kink can be born from dysfunction or trauma, simply being turned on by things that are minorly outside of what we show sex to be on TV does not point to a mental health disorder; I promise. Liking to see your body experience pleasure: normal. Liking to see your partner experience pleasure: normal. Liking to cheer yourself on during sex kind of: normal and adorable.

Open yourself up to the possibility that there are a lot of things that you like out there which are sexual that you have not yet experienced. Our turn-ons do not calcify at age 22. You may just find yourself excited by something really kinky next.

Right now my only advice is to get more mirrors.

*Normal often comes with a value judgement of “good” and I don’t mean that “not-normal” kinks would be bad. Who is to even say what a not normal kink is? I mean more like recognized, common and widely shared and talked about when I say normal.